The Tamoxifen is giving me really strange nightmares. Every night. I'm also waiting for my period but who knows if it will come. I'm not concerned.
But the real issue is that I'm constantly on the move. I get very nervous, sometimes for nothing. I still am hesitant to take anything. Haven't been at the computer as much. Good thing? I can't sit still! At least, I'm getting everything done around the house.
So I have to evaluate this on two levels. First, will I mellow out? I may. Hate to go for the drugs for something that fixes itself. Then, I really have to figure out is this really a problem??
The solution is an anti-depressant, which brings me to my "real" problem. I'm not depressed. Quite the opposite. I'm scared of taking an anti-depressant, thinking it could turn me into the Happiest Person On Earth. I think I'd drive everyone crazy. I'm actually feeling very fortunate and positive these days. Beating cancer is its own high, perhaps. But the whole experience has put the very typical perspective on my life.
I remember Lisa, may she be resting in peace, said that other the fact that she had cancer, it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was putting her life back together while in remission. She became interested in nutrition and wanted to study that. But the cancer returned and that never happened. She was 39 and that was in 2000.
The nightmares don't really bother me. I figure, they're better than the nightmare of getting cancer again. I also take the attitude that I'm lucky to take a pill to keep the cancer from coming back. That's something other cancer patients can only dream of! It empowers me.
I lived with some coworkers in London, one of which went on to marry an oncologist. She said he'd be happy to help. I kind of waited until it was the right moment, when there was something specific, and with this follow-up debate, I thought this was a good opportunity.
We did it through Facebook. I went through some of the details. There were a few points he needed clarifying. But basically, my care was good as is my prognosis. It was nice to get that confirmation, in English, from an oncologist in the U.S. He lost his own mother to this beast and I'm curious if that lead to his career choice.
Possibility that they could pass through here in June. That would be fabulous, not just to see her again, meet her husband but her son is the same age as Ronnie.
On one of the private FB groups, there is a woman who is in the hospital (back in the U.S.) She's stage 4 and she wanted to know about my Stage 4 friend back in the Bay Area. I contacted her privately and explained some things. I really tried to be positive. She has two daughters, about my kids' ages. I'm really praying that she's okay. She seems to be such a nice person, up against such a scary diagnosis.
Stage 4 women (and men) are often shunned from support groups. Apparently, they "scare" the others. They wouldn't scare me, at least not at this point. Just seems sad that our "pink sisters" who need the most support, aren't getting it. Stage 4 can't really be cured but it can often be halted, controlled and stabilized. It's precarious and not ideal but there is hope and they can get on with their lives. I know someone who is 7 years past this diagnosis and she's working, traveling, etc. She did have to fight to get treatment but something is working.
I feel a certain tie to Stage 4 women because often, they have the same fibrocystic/dense breast condition that wasn't diagnosed and relied solely on mammograms. I could have easily been one of them. I could have had another 4-5 years of clear mammograms before anything could have been seen, and then, it would have been a much more advanced stage. There are other reasons, ranging from being too busy to get their screenings, like Elizabeth Edwards to really aggressive form of the disease.
But the real issue is that I'm constantly on the move. I get very nervous, sometimes for nothing. I still am hesitant to take anything. Haven't been at the computer as much. Good thing? I can't sit still! At least, I'm getting everything done around the house.
So I have to evaluate this on two levels. First, will I mellow out? I may. Hate to go for the drugs for something that fixes itself. Then, I really have to figure out is this really a problem??
The solution is an anti-depressant, which brings me to my "real" problem. I'm not depressed. Quite the opposite. I'm scared of taking an anti-depressant, thinking it could turn me into the Happiest Person On Earth. I think I'd drive everyone crazy. I'm actually feeling very fortunate and positive these days. Beating cancer is its own high, perhaps. But the whole experience has put the very typical perspective on my life.
I remember Lisa, may she be resting in peace, said that other the fact that she had cancer, it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She was putting her life back together while in remission. She became interested in nutrition and wanted to study that. But the cancer returned and that never happened. She was 39 and that was in 2000.
The nightmares don't really bother me. I figure, they're better than the nightmare of getting cancer again. I also take the attitude that I'm lucky to take a pill to keep the cancer from coming back. That's something other cancer patients can only dream of! It empowers me.
I lived with some coworkers in London, one of which went on to marry an oncologist. She said he'd be happy to help. I kind of waited until it was the right moment, when there was something specific, and with this follow-up debate, I thought this was a good opportunity.
We did it through Facebook. I went through some of the details. There were a few points he needed clarifying. But basically, my care was good as is my prognosis. It was nice to get that confirmation, in English, from an oncologist in the U.S. He lost his own mother to this beast and I'm curious if that lead to his career choice.
Possibility that they could pass through here in June. That would be fabulous, not just to see her again, meet her husband but her son is the same age as Ronnie.
On one of the private FB groups, there is a woman who is in the hospital (back in the U.S.) She's stage 4 and she wanted to know about my Stage 4 friend back in the Bay Area. I contacted her privately and explained some things. I really tried to be positive. She has two daughters, about my kids' ages. I'm really praying that she's okay. She seems to be such a nice person, up against such a scary diagnosis.
Stage 4 women (and men) are often shunned from support groups. Apparently, they "scare" the others. They wouldn't scare me, at least not at this point. Just seems sad that our "pink sisters" who need the most support, aren't getting it. Stage 4 can't really be cured but it can often be halted, controlled and stabilized. It's precarious and not ideal but there is hope and they can get on with their lives. I know someone who is 7 years past this diagnosis and she's working, traveling, etc. She did have to fight to get treatment but something is working.
I feel a certain tie to Stage 4 women because often, they have the same fibrocystic/dense breast condition that wasn't diagnosed and relied solely on mammograms. I could have easily been one of them. I could have had another 4-5 years of clear mammograms before anything could have been seen, and then, it would have been a much more advanced stage. There are other reasons, ranging from being too busy to get their screenings, like Elizabeth Edwards to really aggressive form of the disease.
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