I go in person for my apt's with Dr. G and Dr. N because they're right near my youngest's school. The Rx for my heel had been burning a hole in my pocket for two weeks. I only really hesitated because I'm sure I now glow in the dark with all these X-rays and I know there's no real solution for my heel. Plus, I was afraid that Dr. N. and his team are just plain sick of me!
I'm talking to the secretary and there's no slot for the morning. "How about the afternoon?" Yes. Oh, and it has to be Dr. N (not his partner) because I need to talk to him about something else. Not possible.
"Oh yeah, that's right. He's at Strauss for the MRI." She looked at me with wide eyes. "Yes, I've memorized your boss's schedule!"
Later, when I told Dr. N. that story, I proudly announced "Monday afternoon, Strauss for the MRI, Thursday morning, the mammograms at Schiltingheim... I think I scared your secretary when she realized I'd memorized your schedule."
He laughed and added "You forgot, Friday morning, I'm at Diaconesses for the CT scans..."
They had to do both feet "because we always do". Ugh. More radiation... They also put me in a position where I was about to fall off. "We could do it lying down..." Then why don't you?? No, I was passive and compliant and it was over quickly.
Then I sat in that infamous back waiting area where I spent hours the day of my surgery. An orthodox Jewish woman sat down next to me. I think she was surprised when he finally called my (very Jewish) name. He used my last (husband's) name this time.
He explained that what I had was exactly what the generalist told me. He just repeated it. I rolled my eyes. He then went on to explain in detail why it hurt more in the morning. No, I told him. I want an invasive, definitely treatment that will cure it. Sorry, he told me. I can live with it. I'm not buying special shoes or inserts, at least not yet...
Then MRI talk. He is absolutely sure that I can do this next fall. "Just make the apt. and I can do the paperwork". Then he has to call the desk and make sure I have the ALD thing on my carte vitale (like he had to do that right away). Sigh. I explained, last time your instructions were none-too-clear. He laughed. Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Good thing I remembered Thursday afternoon...
But... I told him, I do have a couple of other things I want to show you. I pulled out the envelope from Dr. Burned and slipped out the letter. "Look, proof that he is capable of writing a report of one page." and gave it to him. He started to read it. "I absolutely understand none of it," I told him, and gave him the ultrasound too.
Then he launches into a convoluted explanation that while it didn't make sense, earned him points for creativity. Something about my thyroid doesn't look completely normal but is functioning and cosmetically, it doesn't matter as there can be variances. I can't remember...
Bizarrely, he compared it to his hair. Well, you see it's kind of salt & pepper. Okay, it's more white... He pulled back on his chair. I kind of started to snigger so he ended up abandoning it.
"If my antibodies don't change, she says I might not even need 6 month monitoring. We can do it once a year." I said, putting away Dr. Burned's stuff.
I also have these, I said, pulling out two ultrasounds of my ovaries. "This is the one you did the day after my diagnosis" and put it in front of him. "This is the one Dr. K (the gynecologist) did a few weeks ago in her office..."
He looked at both. "Well, first of all, I did it trans-abdominal, and she did this one transvaginally..."
"I'm well aware of that." Then I looked at the date. It wasn't a few weeks ago. It was March, and pointed that out.
"You have two cysts on one ovary and one on the other." Holding up his ultrasound, added "No, nothing on these last November..."
"But I hadn't been on Tamoxifen for a full month yet! I started early March and I already had cysts??" It's a common side effect.
"They need to be monitored." Oh please Dr. N., I thought to myself, please don't offer to do that. Let me go back to my own female gynecologist and have her put that darned wand up my private parts. Please don't offer!!
I quickly added "I guess I'll have to call Dr. K!" pulling his bluff. Then again, it's the only part of me he hasn't seen... Let's keep it that way.
I asked him why my BRCA test was going to take so long. His explanation is that in the U.S., they have central testing labs that only do that, all day, every day. Mine is being sent to a lab that does other kinds of testing. Most of it is done by hand... Not sure if I'm buying it but oh well.
"But in any case," I said, waving my ovary images in the air "These have an expiration date. If this BRCA test is positive, they're gone..."
"But here in France, we usually monitor..." Oh nooooo! I was going to hear that same horrible "French women don't get surgeries" crap that the oncologist told me at the interview. "No, no, and no! I'm 50 and it's simply logical to get them out. They've done their job. I'm not having any more kids. I don't need to go on any Death Watch for a disease that has few or no symptoms, with no reliable screening method. I may get them out, even if I'm BRCA negative, at some point. But if I'm BRCA positive, I will for sure!"
I can be so confident because I have Dr. K's support on this. She agreed completely (and added that she was going to suggest it).
"Don't say I'm 'afraid' like the psychologist over at Strauss did!" then I thought about it. "Yes, I'm afraid, if you want to use that word. I'm afraid of a deadly cancer that doesn't have a reliable screening method and a high death rate... If you want to say I'm 'afraid', go ahead!"
"It's just here in France... the culture..."
"Oh don't give me that 'cultural' palavah!" I said, waving the ultrasound for emphasis. "Are we really talking about 'French culture' or are we talking about women who are not informed and not aware of their risks and options??"
He just stared at me and smiled. He didn't dare contradict me. Also, it's just plain dumb for us to argue over "French culture"anyway when neither of us grew up here, to be honest. Obviously, I'm not basing any medical decisions on what the next chick, who is from here, does, anyway.
Time to change subject!
"Listen, I have a friend who is a gastroenterologist who suggested to me..."
"Where?" Um, does it matter?
"New York, well, outside... old friend. We were talking. Grandmother had colon cancer at 61. Mother has history of polyps... I'm 50 and I need to get this done. He explained to me that it's harder to do a colonoscopy on someone who has had recent abdominal surgery. Not a huge risk but since I have to wait anyway for the BRCA results, I might as well get this over with in the meantime..."
He nodded "Yes, that's true. Scar tissue. Might make things more complicated..."
"I did a name please. Do you know someone who does these well?" He didn't hesitate and jotted down two names. "They're in practice together, down in Neudorf. Either one is fine. You can have it done here or at..."
"Here?!?" I said delighted. I didn't know that was an option, especially since Neudorf is kind of far. I don't mind going to specialist there though, and have done many times. But the idea of getting it done so close to home was an attractive one.
Thought I'd end things on a happy note and gathered up my ovaries and other papers, popping the two names into the envelope.
"Oh, and by the way, I'm telling everyone, I'm looking for a job. Be my spy with your Council of Europe volleyball buddies. I don't want to teach English, if I can avoid it..." We shook hands and I wished him a good summer. He's safe from me and my drama for a few months, at least...
I went home and booked everything. I called the doctors and make at consultation for early September. I did ask a few obnoxious questions. I was mostly concerned with timing and just wanted to know how far in advance this could be booked. She assured me that three weeks, maybe a month was fine (yeah!) I also booked Dr. Keller and told them it was because of my Tamoxifen-sponcered cysts. I also made an apt. with the homeopathic guy, since at the pharmacy (who know him well!) warned me that my Rx was up. I stocked up for vacation. The kids are seeing the ped early September too. Maybe Dr. G too...
I'm talking to the secretary and there's no slot for the morning. "How about the afternoon?" Yes. Oh, and it has to be Dr. N (not his partner) because I need to talk to him about something else. Not possible.
"Oh yeah, that's right. He's at Strauss for the MRI." She looked at me with wide eyes. "Yes, I've memorized your boss's schedule!"
Later, when I told Dr. N. that story, I proudly announced "Monday afternoon, Strauss for the MRI, Thursday morning, the mammograms at Schiltingheim... I think I scared your secretary when she realized I'd memorized your schedule."
He laughed and added "You forgot, Friday morning, I'm at Diaconesses for the CT scans..."
They had to do both feet "because we always do". Ugh. More radiation... They also put me in a position where I was about to fall off. "We could do it lying down..." Then why don't you?? No, I was passive and compliant and it was over quickly.
Then I sat in that infamous back waiting area where I spent hours the day of my surgery. An orthodox Jewish woman sat down next to me. I think she was surprised when he finally called my (very Jewish) name. He used my last (husband's) name this time.
He explained that what I had was exactly what the generalist told me. He just repeated it. I rolled my eyes. He then went on to explain in detail why it hurt more in the morning. No, I told him. I want an invasive, definitely treatment that will cure it. Sorry, he told me. I can live with it. I'm not buying special shoes or inserts, at least not yet...
Then MRI talk. He is absolutely sure that I can do this next fall. "Just make the apt. and I can do the paperwork". Then he has to call the desk and make sure I have the ALD thing on my carte vitale (like he had to do that right away). Sigh. I explained, last time your instructions were none-too-clear. He laughed. Oh yeah. Sorry about that. Good thing I remembered Thursday afternoon...
But... I told him, I do have a couple of other things I want to show you. I pulled out the envelope from Dr. Burned and slipped out the letter. "Look, proof that he is capable of writing a report of one page." and gave it to him. He started to read it. "I absolutely understand none of it," I told him, and gave him the ultrasound too.
Then he launches into a convoluted explanation that while it didn't make sense, earned him points for creativity. Something about my thyroid doesn't look completely normal but is functioning and cosmetically, it doesn't matter as there can be variances. I can't remember...
Bizarrely, he compared it to his hair. Well, you see it's kind of salt & pepper. Okay, it's more white... He pulled back on his chair. I kind of started to snigger so he ended up abandoning it.
"If my antibodies don't change, she says I might not even need 6 month monitoring. We can do it once a year." I said, putting away Dr. Burned's stuff.
I also have these, I said, pulling out two ultrasounds of my ovaries. "This is the one you did the day after my diagnosis" and put it in front of him. "This is the one Dr. K (the gynecologist) did a few weeks ago in her office..."
He looked at both. "Well, first of all, I did it trans-abdominal, and she did this one transvaginally..."
"I'm well aware of that." Then I looked at the date. It wasn't a few weeks ago. It was March, and pointed that out.
"You have two cysts on one ovary and one on the other." Holding up his ultrasound, added "No, nothing on these last November..."
"But I hadn't been on Tamoxifen for a full month yet! I started early March and I already had cysts??" It's a common side effect.
"They need to be monitored." Oh please Dr. N., I thought to myself, please don't offer to do that. Let me go back to my own female gynecologist and have her put that darned wand up my private parts. Please don't offer!!
I quickly added "I guess I'll have to call Dr. K!" pulling his bluff. Then again, it's the only part of me he hasn't seen... Let's keep it that way.
I asked him why my BRCA test was going to take so long. His explanation is that in the U.S., they have central testing labs that only do that, all day, every day. Mine is being sent to a lab that does other kinds of testing. Most of it is done by hand... Not sure if I'm buying it but oh well.
"But in any case," I said, waving my ovary images in the air "These have an expiration date. If this BRCA test is positive, they're gone..."
"But here in France, we usually monitor..." Oh nooooo! I was going to hear that same horrible "French women don't get surgeries" crap that the oncologist told me at the interview. "No, no, and no! I'm 50 and it's simply logical to get them out. They've done their job. I'm not having any more kids. I don't need to go on any Death Watch for a disease that has few or no symptoms, with no reliable screening method. I may get them out, even if I'm BRCA negative, at some point. But if I'm BRCA positive, I will for sure!"
I can be so confident because I have Dr. K's support on this. She agreed completely (and added that she was going to suggest it).
"Don't say I'm 'afraid' like the psychologist over at Strauss did!" then I thought about it. "Yes, I'm afraid, if you want to use that word. I'm afraid of a deadly cancer that doesn't have a reliable screening method and a high death rate... If you want to say I'm 'afraid', go ahead!"
"It's just here in France... the culture..."
"Oh don't give me that 'cultural' palavah!" I said, waving the ultrasound for emphasis. "Are we really talking about 'French culture' or are we talking about women who are not informed and not aware of their risks and options??"
He just stared at me and smiled. He didn't dare contradict me. Also, it's just plain dumb for us to argue over "French culture"anyway when neither of us grew up here, to be honest. Obviously, I'm not basing any medical decisions on what the next chick, who is from here, does, anyway.
Time to change subject!
"Listen, I have a friend who is a gastroenterologist who suggested to me..."
"Where?" Um, does it matter?
"New York, well, outside... old friend. We were talking. Grandmother had colon cancer at 61. Mother has history of polyps... I'm 50 and I need to get this done. He explained to me that it's harder to do a colonoscopy on someone who has had recent abdominal surgery. Not a huge risk but since I have to wait anyway for the BRCA results, I might as well get this over with in the meantime..."
He nodded "Yes, that's true. Scar tissue. Might make things more complicated..."
"I did a name please. Do you know someone who does these well?" He didn't hesitate and jotted down two names. "They're in practice together, down in Neudorf. Either one is fine. You can have it done here or at..."
"Here?!?" I said delighted. I didn't know that was an option, especially since Neudorf is kind of far. I don't mind going to specialist there though, and have done many times. But the idea of getting it done so close to home was an attractive one.
Thought I'd end things on a happy note and gathered up my ovaries and other papers, popping the two names into the envelope.
"Oh, and by the way, I'm telling everyone, I'm looking for a job. Be my spy with your Council of Europe volleyball buddies. I don't want to teach English, if I can avoid it..." We shook hands and I wished him a good summer. He's safe from me and my drama for a few months, at least...
I went home and booked everything. I called the doctors and make at consultation for early September. I did ask a few obnoxious questions. I was mostly concerned with timing and just wanted to know how far in advance this could be booked. She assured me that three weeks, maybe a month was fine (yeah!) I also booked Dr. Keller and told them it was because of my Tamoxifen-sponcered cysts. I also made an apt. with the homeopathic guy, since at the pharmacy (who know him well!) warned me that my Rx was up. I stocked up for vacation. The kids are seeing the ped early September too. Maybe Dr. G too...
