Back from Gymnastics yesterday

Talia wasn't preforming but we went to cheer on a teammate. Not sure if the other parent who drove, insisted because I only had 4 points on my license (out of 12, need to take the points-make-up class AGAIN) or the cancer... Anyway, they, not me, decided I would be driven. Okay!

I still stress! Even though it's not my kid. She had four drops and came in really low. Lots of tears later on! Then we buzzed over to the other gym to cheer on two girls in another category. We were lucky because the French national championships were only 1 1/2 hours from here. Poor Bretons who had a trek over to Belfort!

While running around, getting food and buying lots of gymnastic gear, I walked by a woman. Normally, I wouldn't have thought a thing of her, pre-cancer. A little overweight, more bloated than fat, very short hair, looked downy, not cut, also, her look... Now, all I think is Fellow Pink Sister! I so wanted to tell her, you're not alone, not even here in this gym! But we're in France and we don't do that. Okay. But still, I glanced away quickly, not wanting to stare...

Sometimes I feel somehow a "lesser" cancer survivor, because I didn't have chemo. To me, it wasn't the chemo but the not-hearing-bad-news. Basically, like my sister, the diagnosis was the worst news. She responded well to chemo, never had a blip on all her post-cancer checks and is now considered cancer-free, or "NED" (no evidence of disease).

I do have some problems with my scar. Will mention it to nice rads-onc lady. I will also tell her to please do ALL tattoos at the start. That last one HURT. They didn't even do the second one after I yelped. Irradiated skin is more sensitive, they told me. The first ones didn't hurt at all. Ugh. Avoidable pain folks! Let's just not go there!!

Slight adjustment to my rads

Teacher calls from school. Davina has forgotten her glasses. Sorry but she's picked the Wrong Day! I not only needed to see Nice Rads-Onc lady but I also had a scan to do. Really bad timing!

I saw Rads-Onc lady first.

I assured her that it was going well, and that it didn't hurt. Still. She wasn't happy with it.

She's going to change some things. I'll explain. First, it's 25 sessions of Whole Boob, followed by 8 sessions of targeting the site of the tumors. She's going to stop the Whole Boob sessions and jump right into the targeting area ones. Then, after 8 of those, I'll do the rest of the Whole Boob blasts.

I misunderstood a bit. I thought she said that she would suspend all treatments for a few days, to let my left side heal, and then do double duty. I didn't get it. No, same schedule. It only really changes for them, not me.

The idea is that while they're zapping a smaller area, the bigger area can heal a little. I didn't realize they could do this.

She also wasn't happy with my choice of creams and ordered what I thought was something new but what I already had. Sigh. Doesn't smell and nice!

Then I had to go for a scan (third time whipping off my top that morning, not including my nightgown to shower this morning). It was a similar session to the first one, where they marked a bunch of stuff and had me go through a different machine. It was quick, 5 minutes I think. No injections.

I asked if the fact that I had two tumors changes anything. She said they'd treat it as one big site, not two separate ones.

It really doesn't bother me. It looks worse than it feels. I sent a picture to my sister who was not impressed. I have a feeling that they're jumping on this because of what might happen in the next couple of weeks. With some reading, I kept seeing that the effects build up and that the end can be bad, even if the first three weeks or so are fine.

I didn't leave till 10:30am so it took up most of the morning. 

Unrecommended way to lose weight

My buddy Primus 1 decided to choke up one day last week. They got him up and running and now I'm finishing February 12th. I see Dr. G. the 13th. My wonderful rads center called me to let me know just as I was dropping off my youngest at school, before I hit the road. Perfect timing!

My goal is to be done for Davina's birthday and the next vacation.

Nice rads onc lady gave me a Rx for anti-itch cream which works great. I can now see a line where they zap me. Looks like a very funky sunburn! The underside of my boob is getting hard and hurts when I try to lift it, which I avoid. Basically, when I dry off after the shower. I'm careful and slathering it with lots of cream when not going to rads. I put it on when I get dressed again.

I see the ladies going to my machine wearing head caps indoors. French ladies don't do bald! They usually give me a glance, as if to say "Is she or isn't she one of us??" I'm too shy to talk to them. I feel lucky that I avoided chemo. I don't want to rub it in.

I finally figured to bring a zip up sweat jacket for walking to and from the machine. Wish I had figured that out earlier! I also don't braid my hair, or after, if at all. Pulling the turtle neck off messes up any braid so I no longer bother. They must think I'm just unfashionable with my hair.

So lucky to be doing this in winter! Easy to hide my bra-less-ness (camisole but still...) Plus, no sun exposure to deal with.

Yes, I'm losing. It's weird because it's dropping differently than my not-too-many past experiences. Apparently, it burns calories. Haven't Googled that. Wondering if it's true or there's some psychology involved. Taking off my top to strangers is an influence! Getting rads with a muffin top is kind of embarrassing!

Even a girlfriend (who notices these things) commented the other night. I was dressed up and I wore a real bra with a wire!! I did pick one that was roomy and I didn't suffer too much. But it was obvious I can't do it all the time. Nice to know it's possible though.

No tiredness yet. Kind of boring actually. Lots of dull stuff to do.  Bad weather. Post holiday let-down.

I have the feeling it's the calm before the storm. I'm wondering what Dr. G. has in store. I'm NOT going to bug him anymore. I'll just wait and see...

Rads, cont.

One third done! No. 11 was this morning.

The last couple of days, it's been a little quieter at the rads center. One of the three machines was broken. I was thinking, soooo happy it wasn't mine! A tech guy had to come from Lyon, which is a good 3 hours away and a part had to be ordered. The techs told me that my machine, Primus 1 and the Primus 2 are logically identical. They can transfer the info between them so even if one of them died, we could continue treatments. Also, the Annexe machine does different kinds of radiotherapy. I noticed that because any younger patients also went in the Primus doors.

But it was up and running now and we had the happy, Alsatians back chatting away in the waiting area.

I had my first apt. with the nice Onc-Rad lady. She decided that I was too "congested" (I ain't even going to try to translate that!) and gave me a Rx for something to de-congest my boob. Figured I'd ask at the pharmacy (who see waaaay too much of me and the husband!)

Turns out it's an extract from grape seeds and is to improve circulation. Wasn't reimbursed by the French system. Weird as my boob cream was. It even says on the pamphlet that it's for the effects of radiation in breast cancer! Oh well.

I'm also a bit red but it doesn't hurt and she's not too concerned.

She explained some strangeness with my surgeon. Turns out that he not only had to qualify to do breast surgery but he had to get accreditation for the hospital as well. Only Strauss, Hautepierre (that's the big teaching hospital) and the Breast Center at the Orangerie could do it originally. He's also the only Breast Guy at Adassa. So it was kind of a double task for him.

I sent him a photo of me with the "How I spent my 50th birthday" sign and he wrote back;

Ad mea Ve esrim! Et une très bonne , et meilleure , année !!

Bien cordialement

N.G(last name)

Oh no. Hebrew, in French transliteration. This is a disaster with me, since already my Hebrew isn't the greatest. Then, I have to think of how the word is pronounced in French before figuring out how to say it... Better to just read the original Hebrew. At this point, it's easier...

Plus, to add injury to insult, I can't copy and paste to Google Translate! 

I have a Secret Resource, a friend who is very religious in New York who is a doctor, and I've known almost 30 years. He's my go-to guy for these kinds of questions. He doesn't know French, Hebrew transliteration or not, but I was hoping he could still figure it out. 

"It's a blessing" he wrote me back "Until 120. May you live to be 120 year old, just like Moshe Rabbenu/Moses". 

No, I didn't need the last word! I thought it was rather sweet. I was touched! The French says "and a very good, and better, year". Sounds awkward in translation. 

Meanwhile, the side effects are catching up to me. It's a weird kind of tiredness. My body doesn't want to do what I tell it. It's not sleepiness at all. It's like I'm carrying around a weight. Hard to describe. At this point, I'm not really suffereing. I just need to ease up on things. 

I took two of the kids to school this morning and headed right up to Robertsau. Tried a different route, through Bischheim and Schiltig but that was a mistake. Big back up near the beer breweries (Alsace is a big beer region, not surprising given it's German heritage). I think I'll just shoot up Avenue de la Robersau, past the Council of Europe from now on when leaving from downtown. From home, I go through Wacken and Schiltig, past the paper factory. 

Special privilege, I get to go through the front entrance. Now, all visitors to Sainte Anne have to drive through several kim's of 30km limited traffic. This is probably 20mph. There is a radar somewhere in that so no cheating! Get to avoid that horrible, slow area. 

I was still early, despite the back-up. I heard someone say hi and saw this young guy... Oh no! It's Dr. H.! Such a sweetie. So nice. So young-looking when not wearing a white coat!! I'm kind of relieved I have his colleague, as nice as he is! He was just asking how it was going and I assured him that it was fine. I'm just so happy to not have to do chemo that getting through this won't be a big deal for me.  

50 and a day!

Yesterday, I turned 50. Hard to believe. I went to rads in the morning and they took a picture of me with the machine. I held up a sign that said "How I spent my 50th Birthday". Not entirely true though. Only about 15 minutes of my 50th birthday but still, had to slog out there... The techs were nice and played along.

Then we headed to a new fancy hotel about an hour away. All my fancy plans for my birthday were out the window, we modified things. But it was a good excuse to check this place out. It's only 2 years old and gorgeous! Nice big rooms. Nice amenities. The design is a bit stark but they have a spa-style pool, like the ones over the border in Germany.

I braved the naked area. I was so proud of myself but decided to face the dark Hamman first. You aren't allowed to wear a suit so I tucked a towel around my cut-up and red boob. I sat in there for awhile, then took a shower in the unisex showers. I was all proud of myself and then, as I was leaving, this poor young girl just stood there and FROZE in front of me. I had to say "excusez-moi" and get by her. She looked so shocked.

Lost courage to face the Sauna...